We all have had that fantasy in which we meet with a stranger who we spank, who spanks us, or both. The problem is that in our fantasy, the other person knows exactly what we want and how they should act.
When you meet up with someone for the first time, it is important to make sure that you both have agreed on those expectations. Although it might seem tedious, these are some things you might want to chat about in advance so everyone is on the same page.
After finding a profile and engaging in a good introductory chat, it’s time to turn toward negotiating those specific expectations. These include the following; some are described more fully in the “Meeting and Playing Safely” section.
- What are your and your play-partner’s hard limits (“definite no”) and soft limits (“no, unless mutually agreed upon”)?
- What level of spanking intensity are you seeking?
- What are the expectations for aftercare, whether sensual, applying lotions to a red bottom, cuddling, sexual activity, or others?
- What kind of scene(s) most “speak” to you? Is it simply about the spanking impact play? Or is there a roleplay storyline? Or is there a Dom/sub dynamic? Or something else entirely? Are other kinks involved?
- How long do you anticipate a scene being? Is this a quick half-hour session, or a leisurely evening of play?
- Do you expect a warm-up? Do you want to be spanked in layers (i.e., pants to underwear to bare) or to start bare?
- What clothing do you want to keep on? For example, some guys would rather keep their shirt on during a scene; others are fine ending up naked. Always chat about this in advance so you are not uncomfortable.
- What implements, positions, and scenes are most desired? What experience does each person have with those?
Get to Know Your Play Partner
Whether your first meet, the tenth, the hundredth, or more, it is always advisable to make sure that you know whom you are meeting with ahead of time. Here are some ways to do so:
Make Use of Verifications. One of the most notable features that Whappz offers is its verification system, in which peers may “verify” one another. The verification indicates that the person is real and reputable and provided a positive experience of some sort. For those who have verifications, they can provide a source of references; while remaining discreet and not disclosing personal intimacies, those who have verified others are certainly in a position to “vouch” for them when asked. On the converse, do not judge harshly those who have not yet earned verifications, as they may be new to the scene or limited in the number of opportunities for play. Verifications are just one tool among numerous to promote safe meetings.
About Pictures. Some profiles have photos that show faces, bottoms, implements, and any number of other views. Other profiles have no photo presence. Often, this is related to the discretion a person wishes to maintain. As noted elsewhere in this guide, profiles with photos are more likely to receive attention, as we all like to have an idea as to whom we are chatting with. It is fair to request photos of someone before meeting; expect that they may do so for you, as well. These may also include photos of a spanker’s work and of a spankee’s reddened bottom, if available, so both can get a sense of what might be expected.
Know How to Contact the Person. Some will wish to remain on Whappz for all communications. Others may prefer an alternative chat platform such as SnapChat, Kik, Instagram, Skype, or even text message. Of course, use your discretion in determining what information to share about yourself and on what venues. You may want to be cautious regarding giving out your telephone number as it can often be traced back to you or reveal personal information such as your legal name and address. If you do chat in apps outside of Whappz, you may wish to consider how to maintain discretion of your address book if you add the person, if that is a concern (for instance, some preface the name with “Sp” or a similar designator).
Respect Discretion. We each have our own thresholds in terms of how much information we wish to disclose about our personal lives, our occupations, our families, and so on. Recognize that what may appear as being aloof is sometimes just a guy maintaining his desired social boundaries within the spanking community. While some of us may become close friends and learn much about each other, others of us seek to keep our spanking and non-spanking lives at arm’s length apart. If this is the case, respect that decision and know that it’s not about you as a person.
Scheduling the Meetup
Once you are comfortable with the person and the type of scene you wish to explore with them, it’s time to schedule the actual meeting. There are several considerations that may help in doing so.
Where to Meet, Public or Private? Some guys prefer for an initial meeting to be in a public “safe space,” such as a coffee shop, hotel lobby, or similar location. This gives both parties the opportunity to get to know one another on neutral ground and, realistically, to back out if either is uncomfortable. Others prefer to go directly to the space where the play will occur (and sometimes to even start the scene immediately once there, without small talk). This is a decision that you must make on your own, based on your interests and interactions with the person, but give consideration to your own comfort level, which always must drive the interaction.
Know the Location. Many of us have accidentally gone to the wrong coffee shop location or a different corner of a lobby than the other, which can lead to confusion and frustration. Scout your location ahead of time and know where to best meet.
Confirm. As the time gets closer, a quick message confirming the meeting date, time, and location is helpful. This will allow both guys to confirm that the meet is still on and to remain on the same page about it. Recognize that sometimes schedules do change, and you or your play partner may need to make a slight adjustment (e.g., “hey, I’m stuck in traffic and need to push back half an hour”). Don’t read this as a sign of disrespect or lack of desire to play. Life sometimes happens. Be creative; you can add this into the scene and be punished for being late upon arrival.
The Meet That Doesn’t Happen
Hopefully, with the above, you have scheduled a great play session that checks your boxes and leaves you and your play partner feeling satisfied! However, sometimes a planned meet just doesn’t materialize. Don’t let this get you down; it’s happened to all of us.
Chatters. There are some guys who are simply online to chat. This observation is offered without judgment; in some cases they may not be able to meet and in others talking to a kindred spirit is all that they seek. Recognize that this may be the case if you build a connection while chatting, but it never materializes in a meeting with that person. The best advice, if you prefer to just chat, is to be up front about that. Many guys enjoy a good chat, and if they have as their expectation that chatting is the level of interaction where a connection will remain, it can spare frustration (and result in potentially making contacts for friendship, online play, or other alternatives).
No-Shows. Sometimes, a meet will be planned, all of the above boxes will be checked, and at the appointed hour, your play partner will be a no-show. You may hear this referred to as “ghosting” or “flaking.” Some guys have a 1-strike policy, meaning one no-show means no more contact with that person; others give another chance. However, recognize that this practice reduces the likelihood that you will have another opportunity to meet. If you have been ghosted, you may inquire whether the person is alright (sometimes there are emergencies that legitimately prevent a meeting), but there is no need to blast multiple messages to the ghoster. The best advice is to simply accept that it happened and move along.
If You Get Cold Feet, Say So. If the time of a meeting is coming and you’re no longer feeling it, acknowledge that. This is a situation where honesty is the best policy, and many guys will respond much more sympathetically to someone who is up front about this. Some people who change their mind about meeting may not know how to express it; as a result, they may stop responding to messages, make up stories about why they can’t meet, or even block you to prevent further interaction. However annoying this may be, everyone has their own defense mechanisms. Respect it and just move on.
We wish you the best as you explore the world of adult male spanking and seek those meets that are powerful for you and your play partner!
Excerpted from Strict Sirs and Bad Lads: The World of Male Spanking (by KCGuy and Paddleswats, book forthcoming 2023)