Deciding to go to an event

We are fortunate to have many opportunities to gather as members of the adult male spanking community.  Throughout the year, there are a variety of local, regional, and international spanking events that draw crowds of all sizes.  Attending that first event is a significant decision.  It can be both an empowering yet stressful decision, and especially if it is the first event you have attended.  There are several things to know about spanking events - and how to navigate them - that may help in approaching your first event.

Know the Events

An excellent starting point is reviewing the “community” section of Whappz, which lists events in three categories:  Americas, Featured, and World. 

The “Americas” category includes some events that draw a primarily local audience, such as those hosted at local clubs (e.g., the Washington, DC monthly party hosted at the Green Lantern Bar and the monthly Moonburn party at the Threshold facility in Los Angeles) or private homes (including regular events in New York City, New Jersey, Chicago, Kansas City, and Pennsylvania). 

Overlapping with the “Americas” category is the “Featured” listing, which primarily includes events that draw a national and international audience.  These are multi-day events that attract larger crowds and involve - if you wish - overnight accommodations.  Included among them are the spanking activities associated with Mid-Atlantic Leather (Washington, DC, January); Hot Seat Retreat (Palm Springs, CA, March); International Mr. Leather (Chicago, IL; May); Camp Red Tails (outside of San Francisco, CA; July); Bad Ass Weekend (Augusta, GA; October); Cleveland Leather Annual Weekend (Cleveland, OH; April); and Bad Boys Spanking Party at LA Leather Getaway (Los Angeles, CA; November).

Finally, the “World” category includes events held outside of the United States, and particularly in England (including the Punishment Block at the Lord Clyde in London; Boyz and Sirs at the Bunker Bar in London; ClubCP at MA1:Bunker in London; and NWCP in Manchester) and Germany (Westspank at Men-Only at Jumbo-Centre in Dortmund; Red Butts at Quälgeist Berlin; and Südspank in Stuttgart).

Also, keep watch on the event listings, as they are updated often - both with new offerings of existing events and new events! 

Start Small…or Start Large!

For some, there may be comfort in starting with one of the smaller regional events.  Even those that are specifically “local” events are warm and welcoming to those who travel in, and it’s also a great way to sightsee at some interesting locations.  For others, that first event may be jumping in the deep end with one of “featured” listings, which can include as many as 200 participants.  If you select a national event as your first, be sure to pace yourself and give yourself time to take everything in as you get acclimated to a unique, new, and spanking-centered environment. 

Learn about the Events. 

All of the events have contact information for the host or event organizers.  These are people who are committed to the adult male spanking community and who freely give their time and resources to provide attendees the best possible experience.  Well ahead of the event, drop them a message to let them know that you’re interested.  They will be happy to tell you more about the event and how it is organized so you will know what to expect when you attend.  Especially for a first event, this can help provide a focus and structure in the midst of what might initially feel overwhelming (in a good way!).

See Who Else is Going. 

One great feature of Whappz is that members can indicate the events they are attending.  Mark yourself as either “interested” or “attending” an event, and you will receive regular updates of who else adds their name to the list.  Chat with others ahead of the event, and you may find that you have a new friend waiting when you arrive!  And, some attendees do not indicate their plans on Whappz, so know that the actual number of attendees is frequently higher than that which may be shown online. 

Bring a Friend.

It can be nice to bring a spanking friend to the event with you.  You’ll be able to strategize and debrief, while also feeling you have at least one friendly face (but there will be more!) at the venue.  If you do travel with a friend, don’t disappear and accidentally leave your friend alone at the end of the event!

Set your Limits Ahead of Time. 

In the moment, there may be multiple people engaging in many types of play.  Think about your limits ahead of time.  These may include “hard limits” which are “absolute no’s,” and your “soft limits” which are “only if it feels right in context.”  And, of course, think about what kind of play and spanking intensity you might find enjoyable.  Never hesitate to hold yourself to your limits and to communicate these to your play partners in advance (in fact, they will frequently ask). 

Think about Privacy, if You Desire. 

There is a perception that parties are restricted to public play in full view of all participants.  Of course, for those who desire that level of public view, there will be opportunities.  However, many parties also include areas where more private play can occur, such as for those who may not wish to be in the public light or who may wish to engage in roleplay or other unique “scenes.”  Note that explicit sexual activity may or may not be permitted, depending on party rules. 

Think about What to Pack.

Traveling to an event is a bit different than other leisure travel, and so is packing!  Think about any implements or other BDSM gear you may wish to bring (you may wish to ask the host if there will be communal implements to use, but there’s also comfort in knowing that you have your own).  If you are flying, it is generally advisable to pack implements in checked luggage rather than carry-on bags, not only to avoid puzzled looks from security agents but also to ensure that they are not labeled as “weapons” and confiscated. 

In addition, bring your preferred lotions for aftercare - for yourself or to apply to others.  It’s often said that a responsible Dom cares for his sub before, during, and after the spanking, so if you plan to have guys over your lap, have lotion to offer.  Also, think of the attire you need for that perfect headspace.  This may include different types of underwear (e.g., many guys in the scene have a tighty-whity fetish and may ask that you wear them), outfits to build the “look” that resonates with you (whether jeans, pajamas, leather gear, rubber gear, jockstraps, athletic uniforms, bathing suits, or anything else you want to try). 

Look for Opportunities to Learn. 

Within your limits, you may find unexpected things, whether new implements, techniques, or approaches, which you may want to explore.  There is much learning that can occur at events, and some events actually feature workshops and seminars that range from icebreakers to demonstrations to discussions of all things spanking.  Feel free to ask questions and learn from others; one key feature of the BDSM community is sharing knowledge and learning from others. 

Get Out There and Mingle. 

People will be glad to see you at events!  But, there are some who may be shy; or, perhaps you are.  Some guys are more comfortable if you approach them, so don’t assume they’re not interested if they don’t say the first “hello.”  Remember that you have preferences, just like everyone else at the event; don’t allow yourself to be hurt by a politely declined request to play, and if you need to tell someone you’re not interested, do so with kindness.  But the only way to play - and to discover who is interested in being a play partner - is to ask! 

Conversation is Fun, Too! 

One of the best aspects of the events is simply the opportunity to hang out with others who share our spanking interest.  It can be refreshing to discover how others think about spanking and to relax into a good conversation while waiting to feel or give some additional burn to the bottom. 

With this, there are many things to consider when deciding to go to an event.  It’s a unique and remarkable experience.  Certainly, there are many factors to weigh when thinking about whether to attend a party and, if so, which one.  We hope that these ideas help guide your exploration of spanking community events!

Excerpted from Strict Sirs and Bad Lads: The World of Male Spanking (by KCGuy and Paddleswats, book forthcoming 2023)